Who do you think you are?

Jar Of Hearts

I know I can't take one more step towards you

Cause all that's waiting is regret

And don't you know I'm not your ghost anymore

You lost the love I loved the most

I learned to live half alive

And now you want me one more time

And who do you think you are

Running 'round leaving scars

Collecting your jar of hearts

And tearing love apart

You're gonna catch a cold

From the ice inside your soul

So don't come back for me

Who do you think you are

I hear you're asking all around

If I am anywhere to be found

But I have grown too strong

To ever fall back in your arms

And I've learned to live half alive

And now you want me one more time

l ]

And who do you think you are

Running 'round leaving scars

Collecting your jar of hearts

And tearing love apart

You're gonna catch a cold

From the ice inside your soul

So don't come back for me

Who do you think you are

Dear, it took so long just to feel alright

Remember how to put back the light in my eyes

I wish I had missed the first time that we kissed

Cause you broke all your promises

And now you're back

You don't get to get me back

And who do you think you are

Running 'round leaving scars

Collecting your jar of hearts

And tearing love apart

You're gonna catch a cold

From the ice inside your soul

So don't come back for me

Don't come back at all

And who do you think you are

Running 'round leaving scars

Collecting your jar of hearts

And tearing love apart

You're gonna catch a cold

From the ice inside your soul

Don't come back for me

Don't come back at all

Who do you think you are?

Who do you think you are?

Who do you think you are?

Dan sebenarnye...

Kamu pun takde makna dalam hidup saya lagi..






Saya betul2 benci kamu!!!

glup!!

xde makna..xde makna

weeehuuuu...

lama tak nulis...
n banyak nak aku nulis nih...last post sangat emo sampai bersajak bagai...tapi serius..tu la perasaan hati tat kala itu...sedey...dan tata kala hati sedey..nak hupdet pun x reti...yang tertulis sajak ala samad said..bangga mak nok...

kira2 nye..aku melalui saat2 sukar...dem..nape ayat mcam hebat nih??

kejadian berlaku pada satu hari... keputusan biopsis (pembedahan keluarkan ketulan kecil) aku yang dapatkan sendiri dari doktor..seorang...alone....n doc sahkan mak ada breast cancer..dan aku pun terpaku diam seribu bahasa...amik report..simpan kat ofis...supaya mak tak tahu...sebab kami mahu ke kelantan untuk kenduri...

saya tahu dan saya simpan..dalam hati..remuk redam hati..risaukan mak..nangis sensorang...lap hingus kat bantal, kat tudung, kat baju..habis tisu2 semua..bila mgenangkan mak di dioagnose ada cancer..tapi saya masih berlagak cool depan semua org..ohhh sangat berlagak...

org pertama yang tahu..ngah..kemudian chu, makcik dan abah...kami berbincang serius tanpa setitik air mata sedih..kan ke saya org yang cool...hebat penyembunyian emosi itu...

kami pulang dan aku perlu ke terengganu pula...malam sebelum berlepas..memanggil emak dan berbincang di atas katil...sampai kan berita buruk busuk itu..mak nampak risau..aku nampak tenang..lepas kasik nasihat wangi2 kat emak..saya pun tido..beserta hingus2 yang penuh di bantal...saya risaukan mak...

hilanglah saya selama 3 hari ke terengganu...mak dirumah sedang berteka teki dengan penyakit nye..bila saya sms " mak ok ke?" .. mak akan jawab.."mak ok la..jangan risau".. abis baca sms tu..saya pun nangis lagi lagi dan lagi....sedih dan takut...saya baca article macam2 pasal barah..saya buat kajian sendirian ke atas pesakit2 dan anak2 pesakit barah yang saya kenali...dan saya perlu lebih kuat untuk ibu...perlu sangat2 kuat..

pulang ke rumah dan berbincang serius dengan ibu....bawak mak berjumpa dengan 2 org pakar..pakar bedah...sehinggalah bertemu Doktor Shanker, seorang doktor yang hebat sebab penerangan beliau sangatlah detail sehingga hati saya tidak bercelaru lagi..kami di beri pilihan untuk bedah semua atau sebahagian..semua dah diterangkan sehingga mak, saya dan ngah faham...kami pulang dengan hati yang agak lega...

berbincang sserius dengan ibu ttg perkara ini..mak bersetuju untuk buang keseluruhan breast beliau..dia tak nak benda tu semakin serius..dia nampak tenang..dan saya juga tenang..tanpa rasa sadih dan sayu..

aku tunggu dan hantar mak ke bilik bedah..hingga pintu bilik bedah..cium pipi mak dan mintak maaf..mohon tuhan permudahkan urusan mak didalam sana...aku menanti dengan penuh debaran...1 jam, 2 jam , 3 jam, 4 jam... mak pun keluar..dan mamai...aku jaga mak malam tu..mak muntah2..pening...

sehari, 2 hari , 3 hari aku brumah tangga di ward mak..jaga mak, mandikan mak, sikatkan rambut, suapkan makan, tukarkan baju..urusan rumah juga masih perlu dibuat.. masakkan, basuh baju, kemas rumah..dan aku sangat penat...serius penat..

hari ini kena kerja..pas mandikan mak pagi tadi..aku ke pejabat dan mak kata hari ni mak boleh keluar..yahooo!!!!

Mahu...

...lari dan tiup ia jauh
dari satu hati ke bayu sana
Mahu....
...bekal hati kecil dengan sejuta semangat
biar kaki berdiri bertongkat harapan
Mahu...
...biar diri kenal matahari
bulan bersilih tinggi melangit
Mahu...
... kuat utk ibu
biarpun berlari,akan aku tuju

~i love my mum~

i need doctors!!!

Mastectomy vs. Lumpectomy

Under certain circumstances, people with breast cancer have the opportunity to choose between total removal of a breast (mastectomy) and breast-conserving surgery (lumpectomy) followed by radiation.Lumpectomy followed by radiation is likely to be equally as effective as mastectomy for people with only one site of cancer in the breast and a tumor under 4 centimeters. Clear margins are also a requirement (no cancer cells in the tissue surrounding the tumor).

Deciding factors

Although most women who have a choice prefer the less invasive lumpectomy, deciding between lumpectomy and mastectomy depends on a how you feel about the following:

• Do you want to keep your breast? If it’s important to you to keep your breast, you may decide to have lumpectomy with radiation instead of mastectomy.
• Do you want your breasts to match as much as possible in size? For most women, lumpectomy has a good cosmetic result. In rare cases when a larger area of tissue needs to be removed, lumpectomy can cause the breast to look smaller or distorted. There are reconstruction options available for both lumpectomy (if there is significant distortion) and mastectomy. If you need to have a large area of tissue removed and two breasts of matching size are very important to you, you and your doctor will need to decide which surgery is best for your situation.
• How anxious will you be about breast cancer coming back? If removing the entire breast would help you worry less about the possibility of the breast cancer coming back (recurrence), you might consider mastectomy.

There are also other, less personal factors that can affect which type of surgery you have:

• Where you live: Research has shown that women who live in the United States are more likely to have mastectomies than women in other countries. In the Midwestern and southern parts of the U.S., mastectomies are very common. We don't know why this is, but it probably has something to do with the attitudes of women and their doctors.
• Where you go for treatment: Lumpectomies are more commonly performed in university-based hospitals than in community hospitals.
• When the surgeon was trained: Older surgeons in some parts of the United States may be more old-fashioned and less likely to offer lumpectomy with radiation as an option for their patients, particularly their older patients. Until the mid-1980s, mastectomy was the standard of care for any stage of breast cancer, and research has shown that surgeons trained before 1981 recommend mastectomy more often than lumpectomy. If you feel strongly about one option over the other, ask your surgeon how many mastectomies and lumpectomies he or she performs and why. Seek a second opinion to get a more complete and balanced understanding of your options. Don't let hidden biases or unchanging attitudes keep you from getting the best care.

Lumpectomy: Advantages and disadvantages

The main advantage of lumpectomy is that it can preserve much of the appearance and sensation of your breast. It is a less invasive surgery, so your recovery time is shorter and easier than with mastectomy.

Lumpectomy has a few potential disadvantages:

• You are likely to have 5 to 7 weeks of radiation therapy, 5 days per week, after lumpectomy surgery to make sure the cancer is gone.
• Radiation therapy may affect the timing of reconstruction and possibly your reconstruction options after surgery. Radiation therapy also may affect your options for later surgery to lift or balance your breasts. 
• There is a somewhat higher risk of developing a local recurrence of the cancer after lumpectomy than after mastectomy. However, local recurrence can be treated successfully with mastectomy.
• The breast cannot safely tolerate additional radiation if there is a recurrence in the same breast after lumpectomy. This is true for either a recurrence of the same cancer, or for a new cancer. If you have a second cancer in the same breast, your doctor will usually recommend that you have a mastectomy.

Mastectomy: Advantages and disadvantages

For some women, removing the entire breast provides greater peace of mind ("just get the whole thing out of there!"). Radiation therapy may still be needed, depending on the results of the pathology.

Mastectomy has some possible disadvantages:

• Mastectomy takes longer and is more extensive than lumpectomy, with more post-surgery side effects and a longer recuperation time.
• Mastectomy means a permanent loss of your breast.
• You are likely to have additional surgeries to reconstruct your breast after mastectomy.

Making your own decision

Your breasts may be such an important part of your identity — your sense of who you are — that you'll go to great lengths to preserve them. That's a completely acceptable approach to take, no matter what your age or figure — AS LONG AS it doesn't endanger your overall health and chances for a full recovery.

ini cerita dongeng

alkisah....


lama dah tak menulis..selalu perbuatan menaip telah diganggu oleh kerja2 mengelap dan mencuci pejabat yang hadir tanpa hentinya...ya..ini cerita dongeng...


rasa nak menulis macam2...dari mula bukak mata sampai la mata bukak untuk hari keseterusnye...jika lah ia di translatekan dalam bentuk penulisan ...pasti nye berkajang-kajang dan bershah-alam-alam ehhh ade ke?? ye...ini juga cerita dongeng...


mari kita mula kan dengan kisah mak saya...saya sayang mak saya..tuan-tuan dan puan-puan...dia lah nyawa saya...sila ambil perhatian akan cerita yang akan saya tuliskan...iaa cerita benar....ya..bukan dongeng...
para hadirin sidang jumaat yang saya kasihi sekelian....ehhh tiber...ok ok serius...
last jumaat, saya membawa ibu ke hospital Colombia untuk ujian memogram...mak kata ada ketulan di sebelah kiri breast beliau...(dengan izin tuan speaker) kalo sata tulis te**k, saya rasa nak tergelak....hahaha... melalui memogram tu, telah disahkan bahawa ada ketulan bendasing di kawasan tersebut...maka saya cuak..mak puan cuak...kami terus ke hospital dan mendapatkan advice dari doktor pakar..mak saya diseparuh bogelkan oleh doktor itu dan terus membuat keputusan untuk mengeluarkan bendasing itu..namanya biopsis(kalo tak salah saya lah..) ok..untuk makluman semua Biologi saya dapat 5..so mmg tak pandai la..atleast bagus dari ujian semester saya yang selalu dapat 8 @ 9 je... ok...fokus azlin....kami terus dapatkan tarikh pembedahan iaitu pada keesokan harinya (sabtu)..saya cuba cool...sebab mak saya tak nampak cool dah sepanjang hari jumaat itu...
mak dibedah..dan saya menanti di sisi katil beliau dari pagi hingga beliau sedar sepenuhnya yakni petang..jam 6...tabahkan saya?...kalo tak, beliau asik lalok dan tido..pening dan muntah..mungkin kesan ubat bius tu...serius saya risau..keputusan masih belum saya perolehi...dan saya berdoa supaya ianya bukan cancer...saya mahu mak saya sihat ..saya sayang mak saya... dan ini bukan cerita dongeng...


cerita seterusnya...baru2 ini..saya dah berconfess dengan rakan hidup saya tentang semuanya...tentang apa yang jadi dan apa yang telah jadi...dan apa yang patut jadi dan tak patut jadi..tapi yang jadi dah pun terjadi dan yang terjadi telah membuat semua yang terjadi akan terus terjadi..terima kasih atas semua yang telah puan berikan sepanjang hidup saya...saya doakan semua selamat seperti yang puan mahukan...ya..ini juga bukan cerita dongeng..


cerita lagi...saya didatangi beberapa kes yang menyayat hati..ala-ala sinetron indonesia pun ade..ditipu penjahat dan merampas tanah ..dan yang hebatnye tak tahu borang yang disign itu adalah borang tukar milik tanah..kejam kan duniawi ni??? dari segi perundangan nye..saya tak pasti la ia adalah diterima atau tidak...jika dia nak menyaman pihak penjahat kerana dia telah  membuat perkara itu dibawah sedar...pun saya tak pasti.. saya cuma boleh bersimpati dengan kamu wahai atok...tabahlah menjalani erti hidup ini...semasa saya dalam perjalanan ke ofis pagi tadi, terbuka station radio ceramah agama...nak tukar station lain takut disambar petir..maka saya pun dengar dengan RELA hati...kata ustaz itu, doa2 org yang makbul:

1. Orang yang terdesak.
2. Orang yang teraniaya/dizalimi.
3. Anak yang berbuat baik terhadap kedua ibubapanya.
4. Doa seorang Muslim yang tidak berbuat zalim & tidak memutuskan silaturrahim.

Tanda-tanda Doa Yang Makbul:

1. Terasa sesuatu yang menakutkan.
2. Menangis tatkala berdoa.
3. Terasa menggeletar.

Cara-cara Berdoa:

1. Bersungguh-sungguh semasa berdoa.

Rasulullah s.a.w pernah bersabda:
"Sesungguhnya Allah amat menyukai orang yangbersungguh-sungguh semasa ia berdoa".

2. Menghadirkan diri kpd Allah dengan penuh kekhusyukkan kerana Allah tidak menerima doa dari hati yang lalai.

3. Hendaklah makanan, minuman, pakaian dansebagainya dari harta yang halal kerana sesungguhnya Allah itu baik & menerima melainkan yang baik belaka.

4. Doa itu bukan bertujuan untuk melakukan dosa,khianat, memutuskan silaturrahim & jangan sesekalimemohon SEGERA dimakbulkan doa tersebut.

5. Digalakkan memperbanyakkan menyebut AsmaulHusna, dimulai dengan bertaubat, istighfar, hamdalahserta selawat ke atas Rasulullah s.a.w & para sahabat.

6. Sebelum berdoa, bersedekahlah terlebih dahulu (al-fatihah dan sebagainya).

mari mencuba..dan selamat beramal :)

~linkampo~